Building a family
This is the time of year I become very reflective, especially as we come up on the year anniversary of finding our four kittens. Our house is bursting with animals, but in reality, it’s one of the smallest “zoos” we’ve ever had.
Most of you know me on IG via the kittens, Zara the Greyhound, Chloe the Dachshund and of course Sterling the horse. But, along the way there have been dozens of dogs, cats, horses, guinea hens and even sheep - most of whom were rescues. Nowhere is the lesson that we reap what we sow more true than when caring for animals. When loved and respected, even those that were literally on death’s door blossomed and came back to life. Watching this taught me what really matters and gave our children the most important lessons of life in living color. Caring for creatures unable to speak for themselves became part of who were are as a family.
As a young, married couple couple, my husband and I immediately adopted two kittens. We’d not been back from our honeymoon even a week before I said our apartment needed what only an animal can give a home - a soul. The next weekend we adopted a tiny Maine Coon kitten and about two weeks later we added his sister, because we thought he seemed lonely . . . probably not true but nonetheless they became the best of friends and added a warmth to our apartment. Even my husband had to admit, coming home at the end of a long day transforms when there are little creatures waiting to greet you. And that was the beginning of bringing my husband around to how wonderfully rich animals could make our lives — a grand plan.
It wasn’t long until, quite by accident, a puppy joined our growing family. I found Sasha wandering my parents’ neighborhood at just 8 weeks old. A husky/shepherd mix, it was really she who found me, but in my defense I went door to door with her, actually hoping she’d just strayed from a loving family’s yard. We were in no position to handle such a young puppy as we both worked long days and puppies need so much more than kittens. We did find her home - college students who’d “adopted” her on spring break and had now decided they couldn’t handle a puppy. This was one of the many times in my life I realized how animals suffer at the whims of humans. This puppy was a tiny baby and had already been dragged half -way across the country because some students thought it would be cute to have a dog in their frat house. Needless to say, she came home with me. My husband was - shocked - but fell in love with her as fast as I did and a few hours later we found ourselves in the pet store buying much more than our newlywed budget could afford under the guidance of a smart salesperson who sold us on literally everything a puppy could need.
The first night was rough. Neither of us had ever had dog and who knew puppies cried like babies? We placed Sasha in her crate (the best advice we were ever given at a pet store - every dog needs their own “den”) and expected her to sleep. No such luck. After 3 sleepless nights, off the vet we went. Here we learned the mistakes we were making - and there were many. And we began the habit of bringing Sasha into our room to sleep at night, which worked (she slept, and so did we), thus all dogs in our family from that moment forward, slept near us. Many trainers will say this is a “sin” in the world of dog ownership; I’ve never regretted it for a second - every living creature needs comfort and animals are no different.
They say that parents make all their mistakes on their first child. It is no different with a first dog. We knew nothing. And Sasha was SMART. She sized us up pretty quickly and gave us a run for our money. Crossing a Husky with a Shepherd creates an angel/devil attitude. Huskies are outdoor dogs with a ton of energy and an adventurous spirit - and they like to get their own way. Shepherds are extremely smart and focused. Combine the two and we had one strong willed animal and she had us jumping through hoops. My parents had to step in and “co-parent” Sasha as our work schedule didn’t allow us to be home at all during the day; looking back I don’t know how this dog was ever housebroken. My father would run to our apartment during the day to walk her at noon - I hope I’ve thanked him enough for this selflessness over the years and I try to ‘pay-it-forward’ by doing the same for our oldest daughter who is often in the same situation with her cats. But what happened was a grandparent like bond between Sasha and my parents that was very unique. Sasha knew the sound of their car when it would pull up in our driveway and she also knew that “Grampa” was always good for a long walk . . .she’d make eye contact with him until he acquiesced - which wasn’t ever longer than five minutes. Years later, my mother would credit Sasha with actually saving her life. While walking late one afternoon not far from my parent’s home, Sasha forcefully pulled my mother into the wooded path off the sidewalk, and not thirty seconds later, an elderly man who'd lost control of his car smashed into the telephone pole right where they’d been standing. I do know there is a lot more going on in the minds and souls of the creatures we’ve cared for; this taught us a sixth sense can’t be ruled out. From that moment on my mother was connected to Sasha in a deeper way than just her being our family’s first dog.
As our children were born, Sasha became a nanny of sorts, something she took as seriously and I marveled at. When we brought our first daughter home from the hospital we did all the things the books told us to do when introducing a baby to a family dog. We brought her the baby’s first “onesie” so Sasha would know her scent and left all the baby items around for a few weeks so Sasha got used to the new normal. We have a photo of Sasha sitting proudly next to Olivia’s carseat the night we came home from the hospital and Sasha beams with pride. We moved just 6 weeks after Olivia was born from Massachusetts to Vermont and Sasha became my very best friend and babysitter extraordinaire. If Olivia cried and I was in the laundry room, Sasha ran to get me. She walked right next to Olivia’s stroller, on the street side, to protect her. And as the next two daughters were born, she multitasked between her charges. As Olivia outgrew the crib, Sasha joined her on her bed. Our children never knew anything but life with a dog by their sides. Sasha ran down sledding hills with them, rode in the car with us and cleaned food up around the dinner table.
When I was pregnant with our third daughter and we’d been in Vermont about four years, we decided to add another dog to our family. Our neighbors were active in the local shelter and had fostered an adorable puppy we named Abby. When I think back to our decision to adopt this dog, I wonder what pregnancy hormones had gone haywire in my body. I had two children under the age of 4 and was pregnant with another, we had two cats, one dog and lived in rural Vermont. I must have been crazy and I believe everyone thought I was too. Abby joined our family and Sasha’s disposition immediately changed. Sasha was a true “Alpha Female” and resented this puppy right from the onset. Abby was extremely sweet and our children adored her. Our middle daughter, who wasn’t even two yet, followed “Yabby” around all day and in return Abby showered her with kisses. Abby tried to please Sasha and accepted her position in the dog pack as “Beta Female” yet Sasha’s nose was out of joint in a big way. When our third baby was born a few months later, Sasha stepped into the role she loved so well - baby nanny - and begin her expert care of the newest addition to her family. However, she viewed Abby as a threat to the babies, and didn’t want her anywhere near the newborn. My mother had come for a few weeks to help out and witnessed more than a few incidences of Sasha growling at Abby in front of the children. This was the beginning of the end of a two dog household for a few years. Abby went back to her foster home and was quickly adopted by another family as an only dog. Looking back on this experience, we all learned something and we should have known Sasha better and not added to our already extremely busy household. Sasha felt threatened and uncomfortable with Abby around and it didn’t give Abby a chance to bond with us as she needed. It also wasn’t safe for the babies. Life was so incredibly busy and we learned a hard lesson, but my guilt was huge. Not every animal fits into every household and not all animals will get along even under the best of circumstances (just like people). I felt defeated, but as we all know, the next adoptee would be right around the corner.
