Teach Your Children
The past few weeks have been surreal for all of us. I don’t know anyone who has not had a moment of temporary panic or felt overwhelmed. The unknown is hard to face, and we are all in a state of limbo.
I have many friends who are much my junior, with young children, and I’ve talked with a few of them over the past week. And the resounding chorus is “how do I explain this to my child? Do I try? How much information is too much.” And others have said, “what kind of world did I bring a child into?”
I’ve written before about 9/11. It was the day Sterling arrived at our farm in Vermont, and so many of my recollections revolve around him. Looking back, I think that’s because he gave our family a focus on a day we were all feeling out of control. Our daughters were 9, 7 and 5 at the time and all in school that morning. The fear that parents felt as our world crumbled around us was like nothing I’ve experienced since. I mentioned to my husband last night that the past week has held a few moments that cause me to go shooting back in time to those weeks post 9/11 when uncertainty was abundant. I remember questioning whether we should send our daughters to school, should we cancel our upcoming vacation, would another attack be coming - on and on and on. And I know lots of parents are in the same place right now with a whole new set of questions that no one can answer.
The one thing that is comforting in our present situation is families are home together. I know this makes it crazy for parents who both have jobs outside of the home, but I don’t think we’ll ever look back and regret this forced togetherness — it’s the stuff family stories are made of. Puzzles and games are being purchased in epic numbers, book sales are soaring, and kids are playing outside as much as possible — this is the silver lining. Children are being forced to use their imagination and families are spending quality time together with no agenda.
After 9/11 I worried what my children would remember. How would they process the nightmare and would it affect them long term? The answer is that they were fine. We dealt with it day by day, week by week, month by month. Months turned into years, and now it is something we remember collectively and talk about in the context of history and family. Although the world was falling apart around us, we clung to one another and to what grounded us. The farm, the animals, the sounds and smells that lulled us to sleep at night. We lived by routine and learned that the best life is one where fresh air is allowed to remedy what wears on our minds.
Our daughters are grown now, but I still find myself in moments of panic and insecurity. I wish we were all home together, I wish things would go back to normal. But we are called upon to teach our children resilience and strength, two qualities that will always serve them no matter what their age. Every generation faces something that rocks it to the core, and 2020 is testing us. I find myself reflective because I remember my feelings 19 years ago, and I empathize with parents who are grappling with the same emotions I had way back when. I think by waking each day with the desire to instill strength and hope in our children we will always win.
